Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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