He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
