i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I will pee on everything he values.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
