I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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