why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
