I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
