i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
