You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
