They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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