I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
