I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
