I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
PANTIES FOUND
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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