I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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