My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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