belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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