walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
