shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
