you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
