Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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