You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
