i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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