If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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