don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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