Welp...herpes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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