I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
