you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
