Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
