It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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