please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
