i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
