its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
