just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
