Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
