I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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