He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
