some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My bed smells like the plague
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
