I just made out with a guy for $7.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
