Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize