im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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