Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize