i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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