i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
