dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
