sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's shark week go big or go home
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
