i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
