with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
