I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
