she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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