We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
His nipple licking is glorious
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