I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
