She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
