You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
