Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
