just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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