we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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