It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
