This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
