My balls are so social today.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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