I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
