We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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