I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
