she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
