OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
