i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
