I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
