I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
