Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
