did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
