Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
