the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
