I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
